Category Archives: Friday Morning Funnies

Friday Morning Funnies: A Male Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, “Will you marry me?”

The Princess said, No!!!

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and dated skinny long-legged big-boobed broads and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to strip bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and banged cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and ate spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was frikin cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

The end.

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Friday Morning Funnies: TWO LITTLE BOYS


Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.

They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, “Do you know where God is, son?”

The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?! Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “WHERE is GOD?!”

The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?”

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, “We are in BIG trouble this time!” “GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!”

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Friday Morning Funnies: Puns for Educated Minds IV

1. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

2. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.

3. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

4. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’

5. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

6. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

7. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

8. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

These were the last of our puns for the educated mind, thanks once again goes out to LB for send them along. If anyone else has a few puns, jokes or riddles they would like to pass along for others to enjoy send them to me for posting.

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Friday Morning Funnies: Puns for Educated Minds III

1. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

2. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

3. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

4. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

5. A backward poet writes inverse.

6. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

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Friday Morning Funnies: More Puns For An Educated Mind

1. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

2. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

3. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

4. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

5. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

6. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

7. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

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Friday Morning Funnies: Puns for Educated Minds

Here’s a little something to start your day off with a smile, enjoy and have a great day:

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

Hat tip to LB

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>Friday Morning Funnies: Trump Routs Out Obama’s Birth Certificate


Donald Trump sits down to talk about Obama’s birth certificate again and what he’s going to do to find out the truth.

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Friday Morning Funnies: BP Spills Coffee

This is what happens when BP spills coffee, courtesy of

hat tip goes to LAUGH!!

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Friday Morning Funnies: Rednecks are good at sensitive stuff

Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie.

As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, ‘Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.

Donnie says, ‘OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.’ Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Ronnie says, ‘Where did you get that beer, Donnie?’ ‘Cooter’s wife gave it to me,’ Ronnie replies.

‘That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?’ ‘Well, not exactly’, Donnie says. ‘When she answered the door, I said to her, “you must be Cooter’s widow.”

She said, ‘You must be mistaken. I’m not a widow.’ Then I said, ‘I’ll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.’

Rednecks are good at sensitive stuff.

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Friday Morning Funnies: That’s When The Fight Started

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

And that’s how the fight started…..


A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And that’s how the fight started…..


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife. ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And that’s when the fight started…..

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